I know not to take Him for granted and I understand that I cannot control Him. I am deeply and genuinely grateful for every moment that I am aware of His presence and for whatever reason I am blessed with His affection, love and compassion.
To me Loki is one of the most complex and beautiful deities, maybe because it is His nature to break us open and let us face our own darkness, and thus He gives us the opportunity to share it with Him. If we have the courage to do so the gifts Loki offers are most precious. He can see the innermost depth of our being and knows us better than we know ourselves. That is why I feel comfortable around Him and trust Him, because I have nothing to hide. At the same time Loki often seems so “human” that it is easy to relate to Him as a friend.
Loki allows me to be who I am and, in my experience of Him, He follows wherever I go even into my own personal hell. He will be there when everyone else disappears. He will patiently hold my hand or lend a shoulder when needed. Loki showed me that God is always there with us, no matter where we go or what we do. God shares our pain and suffering just as much as our joy and laughter, but essentially He longs for us to be free and see ourselves as the magnificent beings we truly are.
Counting the God of Chaos and Mischief in as one of your friends certainly never leaves you bored! As much as I love Loki’s intensity, it can be difficult to set boundaries. Whenever Loki wants my attention, He can be relentlessly demanding and certainly could not care less if I have other plans. Once I got annoyed with Him and when I complained about His all-consuming need for attention (which He found rather amusing), He simply asked, “Do you really think that there is anything more important in life than being absorbed in God?” Silver tongue has a good point there, yet I also have a life to live. Loki pushes me to abandon the victim-role I have created for myself. And even though He is not a God of compromise He honours boundaries, while I am learning to “flow” with Him and make use of His intensity in my life.
I owe Loki as He broke me and also helped (and still does) me heal on many levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – He offers me security and the feeling that I am loved. The feeling that it is safe to be myself, no matter what others opinions are. Loki has became a true, loyal friend and has been a shining example of selflessness and unconditional love (I understand, that to some readers this might not sound quite right, since we are talking Loki here – welcome to Loki’s paradoxical world).
One thing that still bemuses me is that He adapts to my needs. The fact that He is the God in this relationship and could do whatever pleases Him, does not seem to bother Him. He makes the effort to let me feel He is around when I need a friend. And He becomes whatever I need most – If I feel insecure like a child He becomes my guardian, if I need to be held He showers me with affection and tenderness, if I need a friend He is at my side supporting me or cheering me up. One time I needed Him and asked – “Are you there?” The immediate answer was – “I am always there, I never leave you.” And because I know this to be true, Loki does not have to ask anything of me – I am happy to share with Him what I have.
It is a blessing to have Him around, since His presence is light, like a child’s, and He is spontaneous, carefree, pure and innocent by nature. Loki likes to laugh, He teases me and then it is as if He embraces me and lets me feel how much He loves me. For a God of Chaos and Destruction, He is surprisingly sweet and affectionate.
Loki also literally pushes me “off the cliff”, if I try to wiggle out of facing my own fears and imperfections. Despite of the knowledge that He is there with me, or awaiting me down the bottom, this can be terrifying. Yet I find it very liberating at the same time. I have come to realise that every experience Loki puts me through, lets me grow, because it is His love that transforms my nature. In the beginning, when I doubted His good intentions, Loki tried to explain to me that He would never harm me by comparing human souls to flowers in a garden and the Gods to gardeners. Those souls connected closely with Him, the ones He took responsibility for, were His favourite flowers. “A gardener takes so much care growing them, and has such love for his flowers. Why would a gardener destroy His favourite flowers?”
In my own personal experience I have come to know Him to be the most loving, tender-hearted, affectionate, compassionate and self-giving aspect of God, as well as the most terrifying. This is the way He revealed Himself to me on my healing journey. I am well aware of His destructive side and have learnt to be grateful to the Breaker-Of-Worlds, because without His ability to destroy my old “structure”, I would not be who I am today. I love my life. I am living it from my heart. Life is like an adventure and Loki has taught me to seize and enjoy every opportunity it brings – fall down, cry, smile, get up, adapt, laugh, move on.
To me Loki represents the magic, passion and love for life and the freedom to be ourselves.