The Truth in (Marvel) Loki’s words

Loki’s presence had been in my life for a while, but it was not until I watched Marvel’s “Thor” for the first time, that I knew whose presence I was dealing with. There are many who Loki reaches out to through these movies, and it is entirely up to us how we use our time with Him. I think only a few of those “blessed” by Him, really know what they are dealing with. Loki is real, not just an object of our phantasies, so if we are wise, we will ask Him to teach and guide us and transform our nature for the better. Because this is what He is able and willing to do.
Anyway, while back at the beginning of our friendship, I watched the Marvel movies out of sentiment, I could clearly see Loki’s traits inside Tom’s acting, yet I never agreed with the portrayal of the Trickster’s nature, because I do not know Him as malicious or bad.

Nevertheless, I recently re-watched the Avengers movie and was amazed to find some genuine Loki wisdom in there (which had escaped me the first time, since I had not been blessed with the Trickster’s presence long enough to have learnt certain lessons).
Hiddleston does a wonderful job portraying Loki – while he seems downright evil in this movie, he also shows a rather dazzling array of emotions, mischief, insanity and sometimes even sweetness and depth of character – to me Loki is very tangible in Hiddleston’s performance. Guess, that’s why people love him so much.

Even so, while Marvel Loki thirsts for power over others (mirroring our own weakness), the God Loki actually thirsts for freedom. Our freedom. True freedom.

So I found it rather significant that one of Marvel Loki’s first lines is essentially a true Loki line:
“Freedom is life’s great lie.” 
Even more significant that he says that,
“Once you accept that, in your heart … you will know peace.”

Replace the word “lie” with “illusion”, Loki tells us that the freedom we claim to have is an illusion. It makes Loki not “God of Lies”, but “God of Illusions”. (even Marvel Loki is very skilled at creating illusions). Like Shiva, who is the wielder of the great Illusion called “Maya” which veils our true identity and allows us to experience limitation, Loki not also works with illusion, but more importantly He can reveal the Truth to us by breaking it. And this is the truth, that can set us free.

We live an illusion of freedom.  

We think we are free while in reality we identify with the illusion of separateness. And because we believe in the illusion that we are the ones who are in control of our life, we are eternal slaves to our desires, to our wants and needs. We search for the perfect partner, the ideal job, the dream house, or our purpose, our assignment that we are destined to fulfil to find satisfaction. We constantly search for satisfaction, but never find fulfilment. (Marvel Loki reveals himself very much as portraying our ego, when he so very nicely claims that satisfaction is not in his nature) Because as long as we are searching in the wrong place, we are entrapping ourselves deeper in the net of karma.

Loki is a God of Karma and Free Will. Karma is the Law of Cause and Effect, and Free will is our choice to act, think and feel in a certain way. It determines our perception of the world around us. As long as we use free will for our own (egotistical) needs, we will be trapped in the tight net of cause and effect. It is not until we align our free will with a higher truth that we will find true freedom, and once we see that true freedom lies not in outer circumstances, we will turn inward (into our heart) and find peace.

“Once you accept that, in your heart … you will know peace.”
Amen.

Great wisdom albeit veiled by the maliciousness of Marvel Loki – well, I guess, hidden away in good old trickster fashion. Loki, must have been quite pleased with Himself.

To me Loki is a God of Freedom and Empowerment, and these are the two things He addresses in the movie.

(the illusion of) Freedom and (the reality of) Powerlessness.

Loki’s famous little “kneel” speech, which basically conveys that he thinks that we were made to be ruled, is quite fascinating as He yet again reveals the truth to us – “you crave subjugation.” One of the forefather’s of today’s advertising culture was Freud’s nephew Edward Bernay, who grew up in America and was involved with the Woodrow Wilson Administration. Fascinated by how effective “propaganda” had been during the war, he wondered how to use this concept during peaceful times – renaming the term “propaganda” due to it’s unfavourable connotation. That was how the term “public relations” was born.

“Drawing on the insights of his Uncle Sigmund” (who entertained the opinion that people subconsciously craved to be ruled) “he (Bernay) developed an approach he dubbed “the engineering of consent.” He provided leaders the means to “control and regiment the masses according to our will without their knowing about it. To do so, it was necessary to appeal not to the rational part of the mind, but the unconscious.” (The manipulation of the American mind: Edward Bernays and the birth of public relations)

“Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation.” (Loki, Marvel)

Public relations means luring people in by playing on their never-ending search for satisfaction and craving for power and identity.

“The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity.” (Loki, Marvel)

More and more of us are aware today how we truly are being manipulated by those in power, who fervently believe in what Loki puts into words: That we were made to be ruled.

And the words struck me, because a while ago, the Norse Trickster took me deep into the dark abyss of primal emotions and mental states, and I was shocked to see that there was a part of me that longed to be controlled. That longed to surrender all power and dissolve in a state of powerlessness. But it was not a good kind of surrender. It was a kind that was harmful and it felt that I was conditioned this way.

Loki explained to me that this was an intrinsic pattern in human beings, not a personal weakness, and that this condition needed to be transcended in order to gain true freedom. We were bound by it. He never gave me an answer to where it came from, or how we are meant to transcend it. But then, Loki usually gives me answers when I am ready for them, because there is not much use in conveying things to me that I cannot apply in my life. Since the issue came up watching the movie, answers might be on the way….

It seems that Marvel Loki is Loki’s “shadow” – because he so nicely mirrors our ego, our human weaknesses, the great illusion we live in and the consequences of this kind of existence. He is not at all like the God I have come to call my friend, but I know that He does represent Loki, because Loki is not bound by concepts. He may be an outlaw or a devoted husband – it is all the same to Him. Whatever we need to accept Him, He will offer.

Loki not only shows us what needs to change and be transformed, he is a master of finding a way out of seemingly impossible situations, which makes Him incredibly helpful in the quest for freedom. And He is rather unconventional, so, it is not surprising that He uses all sorts of channels to get His message across:

“I come with glad tidings of a world made free.” (Loki, Marvel)

… naturally, this God is burdened with glorious purpose … 😉

You can find the full article quoted above here:

http://theconversation.com/the-manipulation-of-the-american-mind-edward-bernays-and-the-birth-of-public-relations-44393

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Loki and awakening Kundalini – Part 2

According to Tantric scriptures, explained by Sally Kempton, the “coiled”  Kundalini refers to primal, dynamic energy that is ready to “spring” into action – it is not “only” seen as the coiled energy at the base of our spine, but Kundalini is “the name for the universal Shakti in Her subtle creative phase.”
~Sally Kempton, Doorways to the Infinite 

With my own very limited understanding of the workings of consciousness and energy (before Loki started opening my mind to the rather mind-boggling mysteries of the universe) I believed Kundalini to be “only” that mystic energy that allows us to access our “magic” and gain occult powers. Needless to say the ever-illumining Norse Trickster is an avid teacher, who slowly and steadily (with the patience only a God can possess)n opened my mind to see the greater picture. Allowing me to understand things in my own time (which is an ongoing process).

“She is the Mother of the worlds, the glory of the empire of the Soul
who gives shelter to the tender sprouts of the seed of the universe,
the phallic symbol of the footless Brahma,
the containing vessel of Siva, the Supreme Soul,
and the true source of the life breath.” 
~ Jnanesvara

So, according to Tantra Kundalini is the Great Goddess Shakti, and She is described to take three “forms”.

Loki showed me that no matter what we believe to be true in our lives, no matter how much we suffer, or how gloomy things seem to be sometimes, underlying everything there is only one Truth – and that Truth is an all-pervading loving energy. Which brings us to Kundalini-Shakti’s first form.

Samasti-Kundalini. She is the all-pervading Shakti, the God-energy, the infinitely subtle life-energy that pervades everything in the Universe. She is the loving presence that is there at the Source of our being.

As Chit-Kundalini, Her second phase – which translates to fully-enlightened consciousness, or fully-aware consciousness – She is the inner awareness that experiences life. When this form awakens within us, we become self-aware on a different level. We realise that we are not the body, not the outer activities, not our thoughts or our emotions, but a larger presence that observes with unattached compassion. In Yogic tradition this is known as the observer, practicing this, will lead to a deeper level of self-recognition.

In Her third form, as Prana-Kundalini, She acts as the life-force we experience in our subtle body. This is the Kundalini that “awakens” and turns our awareness inward.

Some texts describe Kundalini to have three aspects – Knowledge(Jiiana),Will (Iccha) and Action (Kriya) – which in turn also relate to the five aspects of creation … but it would lead to far to go into detail here….

Interestingly to note is that these three aspects are described as the three “kundals” or coils – basically three spirals – which are an ancient symbol that can be found all over the world, and which in Celtic spirituality symbolises the Mother Goddess.

With Loki’s presence in my life, came the presence of the Goddess … or more precisely, He made me aware of Her presence and re-connected me with Her. While my mind still tries to separate them, my heart knows them to be one and inseparable. At the Source there is no separation of consciousness and energy, of Shiva and Shakti. Only oneness. This is what they teach us.

Prana-Kundalini works to keep the functions of our body going, to power the breath, the heart beat, but when She awakens and turns our attention inwards, She flows through our chakras and meridians to purify the system from old patterns and beliefs. She confronts us with all those things we do not wish to look at and therefore, She brings radical transformation. Something which Loki is well known for. To me, the Norse Trickster is a God of Freedom, of Empowerment, and of Truth – and the force He uses is none other than Kundalini-Shakti. Whatever Loki stirred up in the darkest, deepest depths of my being, I knew that He brought it to Light for it to be transformed. And this is exactly what Kundalini does when She becomes active in our system.

Our past thoughts and actions, our physical and psychological “disorders” are all “programmed” in our subtle body manifesting as “knots” or “blockages”, which keep us stuck in old, limiting beliefs and patterns (sometimes formed over life-times). In turn this traps us in the illusion of “Maya”, the belief that we are separate from our Source.

In order to experience our oneness with the Source, with the Truth, these blockages need to be dissolved.

The cleansing-process of our subtle body can be challenging and is often painful as we are unaware of what is going on. Kundalini brings up everything that needs to be transformed. This can be old trauma, emotional and physical problems. She can lead to spontaneous healing from ailments, or we can suddenly be confronted with disease or physical challenges. She can create physical releases of many kinds, emotional disturbances, inner visions, and She can also empower our spiritual practices.

The aim of Kundalini is to take us beyond polarities and duality into non-judgemental acceptance. Which does not mean that we have to say “yes” to everything, or act out on every urge that comes up in Her wake, it means that we learn to accept and integrate the “shadow” parts of ourselves. The parts that have been pushed away, denied or neglected. Kundalini brings them into our awareness in order to release the energy which is bound up to keep these things “hidden”.

True acceptance opens the door to freedom. And our “shadows” need not necessarily be “dark”. Sometimes we have learnt to suppress creative talents, or tender, sweet and loving feelings – in fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt.

I myself have been struggling with physical problems, as well as emotional turmoil over the past years, yet I am sincerely grateful as Loki’s guidance allowed me to understand it from a spiritual point of view. And I face my fears with courage now. The more my self-awareness develops, the more it expands into self-compassion and self-love. Loki, like all Gods of transformation, wields Kundalini-energy as “His” force of cleaning out our old rubbish. He does not want us to suffer, but rather wishes to set us free so that we can re-connect with the loving undercurrent of the Universal Consciousness.

It seems that Kundalini-awakening happens to many of us spontaneously, maybe because we live in a time of transition, a time when we need to let go of the old to be able to step into a new, brighter future. The quicker we learn to accept, transform and love – right now, in this very moment – the faster this future will approach. 

But Kundalini is an intense, energetic force that sweeps our system, and if one has a healthy, strong physical body, a calm mind and even emotions, this happens without throwing the person into chaos.

The trouble is that many of us do not have strong, healthy bodies, neither do we have peace-filled minds or balanced emotions. A lot of us are carrying trauma, sometimes from generations before us. Technology is not helping us either. When Kundalini is active, we require grounding (we need nature), we need to discipline our thoughts and emotions, which is hindered by over-use of computers and cell-phones. To find balance in Kundalini’s purifying force, it is important to center ourselves inside our heart. Computers unfortunately respond to our mind and take us away from the heart, weakening our subtle nervous system and straining our mental-energy.

The “rising” of Kundalini is not a linear process. She does not climb from the bottom to top, stopping in each place until things are dissolved. She moves spontaneously, clearing whatever is ready and needed to be cleared right now

Physical problems that arise with Kundalini awakening can be linked to traumatic experiences, and it is always advisable to get some outer support in these areas. Loki encouraged me to find a therapist to work with and I have been seeking help regarding my physical health. 

Lately, Loki has stressed the importance of focusing on spiritual disciplines like meditation, immersing my mind in Mantras, singing, painting and also to pay more attention to strengthening my physical, which I find especially difficult since the ailment I have involves fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Since He has been an exceedingly loving and patient teacher, I will do my best. Loki has only my best interests at heart, yet that is exactly what makes it difficult, because this is an almost foreign concept to me. I have lived a life of (or probably quite a few lifetimes) sabotaging myself by denying myself the power to be in charge of my life, to put myself first and to do things that benefit me. I have yet to develop the reverence, love and respect for myself that He shows me constantly.

We carry an innate deep wisdom within us, because the Goddess, Kundalini-Shakti, in Her entirety is essentially our Highest Wisdom, our Inner Teacher and Guide. Unfortunately most of us have unlearnt to listen to Her with a pure heart and – more importantly – with discernment. Often leaving us unsure of what to do. To develop discernment is important as it will lead us to make “healthy” choices rather than keeping entangled in the fetters of our egotistical desires, urges and drives.

It is also beneficial to practice awareness that we are not who we think we are (our body, our emotions, our thoughts). In Yoga this is called the practice of the observer. The practice of detachment. Detachment is not indifference, but the conscious awareness that we have a choice of either identifying with our limited personality, our suffering or simply observing it, knowing we carry a presence inside us that is infinitely more powerful and beautiful than our limited thoughts, emotions and actions. 

Learning to use discernment and detachment concerning our desires, feelings, thoughts and actions will help us to flow more easily with Kundalini’s movements. We learn to trust and surrender, offer our thoughts, emotions and actions to the Her.

Everything that comes up in the wake of Kundalini, especially emotions like fear and anger, we can transform into something constructive. Especially anger which is effectively bundled up energy that we can use to either destroy or create. Anger is often suppressed, because we do not know how to deal with it. According to my Divine Friends, even anger has its base in the loving presence of Shakti – so it is up to me to learn to express this intense energy in a loving way. Not exactly the easiest of lessons, I admit.

But essentially anger is just energy – so why do we not use it to find creative solutions to problems? I guess, because most of us are conditioned to react, to blame, to resent. To be loving in the presence of injustice, pain and hurt is difficult, yet not impossible. We simply need to unlearn. It begins and ends with our own choices.

Those who are blessed with the Tricksters presence know that all too well.

Transformation of our nature is not an easy task, but we need to remember that we are never alone. The support team is always there. And what a gift if you have Loki on your team, because of all the various qualities He possesses, He owns a great sense of humour …  and He cherishes the fact that He can make us laugh and smile. A good laugh and a sincere smile can lift up our consciousness in an instant and transform our problems faster than a thousands words and actions.

“Just one smile immensely increases the beauty of the universe.”
~Sri Chinmoy

Hail, Loki! 🙂

 

Some literature, I can warmly recommend, that refers to and explains Kundalini-Shakti. Both deepened my understanding of the things that Loki has taught me over the past years. Especially the book on Kundalini made me realise that all the experiences I have been going through are Kundalini related and Loki truly is a Kundalini-God (it’s good to get some confirmation once in a while!)

 

https://www.sallykempton.com

https://www.soundstrue.com/store/doorways-to-the-infinite-5937.html

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/awakening-kundalini-lawrence-edwards/1114829330#/

https://www.soundstrue.com/store/awakening-kundalini-2750.html

Loki and awakening Kundalini – Part 1

Kundalini, meaning “coiled up” or “coiled one” is essentially the primal energy that runs through every living-being and everything in the universe (even our beautiful planet Earth has its Kundalini-Shakti). The Kundalini most of us are familiar with from Yogic texts, is actually only one form of Kundalini-energy which is also called Prana-Shakti. This powerful energy resides in our “subtle” body, an intricate web of subtle “nerves” that holds the energy centres we know as chakras. These subtle energy centres are located along our spine, the first one sitting at the base (in the area of the coccyx) the sixth chakra is located inside our head (resonating with the pineal gland). In many cultures Kundalini is compared to a coiled up snake that slumbers at the base of our spine in the lower chakras.

From the base chakra, there are three rivers/channels of energy (Nadis) winding upwards towards the sixth and seventh chakra. Two of these energetic channels represent our dual nature and are called Ida and Pingala. Ida, the energy rising on the left side, represents the feminine principle and the moon. Pingala, rising on the right, represents the sun and the masculine principle. Without duality life how we know it would not exist. Once creation starts, so does duality. These two energies flow up and down in spirals, crossing each other in the main energy centres or main chakras.

Then there is a third, central channel, which is called Shushumna. Shushumna is our balance, it is the direct channel to our Higher Self. Once energy flows through here, we gain balance. Life begins to be worth living.

In most of us Shushumna lies dormant.

As does our Kundalini-Shakti.

Kundalini as our life-force (or Prana-Shakti) is not actually asleep, otherwise we would not be able to go about our daily lives. The process that is described as awakening means, that the power that is used to sustain life’s processes, like breathing, our heart beat, the main functioning of our body, emotions and thoughts, is now turned inward to support the process of transformation of our nature. When this energy becomes available She starts to sweep and purify our “system” from blockages and all things that keep us trapped in our individual existence, all things that do not let us experience our “oneness” with our Source.

It is said that when Kundalini awakened, She travels upwards through the chakras, rising up the central channel to unite with our higher consciousness and thus bring illumination. The practice of awakening Kundalini, Kundalini Yoga, is a very disciplined one, and requires utmost purity in body, emotions and mind. It is said that awakening Her without proper preparation can be dangerous, and many have failed unite with their Highest, as they succumbed to temptation that arose and by misusing the gifts Kundalini brought into their lives. Once the chakras are open and Kundalini flows through them, we are able to access all kinds of occult, magical powers. Some students of Kundalini never go beyond the desire to gain occult powers – which are but trinkets compared to the true jewels of wisdom that lie in enlightenment and union with our Higher Self.

My Teacher spoke extensively on Kundalini and also warned of the dangers that awakening Her primaturely can bring. He said that for realising our own Higher Self we do not need to gain Kundalini’s powers, which made me think that He did not want us to have anything to do with Kundalini.

Well, that was until She decided to wake up.

Now I understand that my teacher did not want us to awaken Her out of curiosity and focus on powers that we did not understand or would have been able to handle. Powers that would have caused confusion, distraction or destruction in our lives. As the force of Kundalini sweeps through the system, one needs to be prepared. And one needs to develop fearlessness. Stirring Her up before we are ready (eg. by practicing certain Yoga techniques and without having a genuine teacher who actually knows how to work with Her) means inadvertently inviting a LOT of problems into our life.

Even those of us who experience Her awakening “naturally” are often left confused and rather helpless, because Kundalini is a force of radical transformation. That is why She can be dangerous.

My own experience and the Norse Trickster taught me that Kundalini is not a force to fear, but to respect and value. There is much more to Kundalini-Shakti than magical powers if She is allowed to unfold and reveal whatever She needs to.

Over the past years I have noticed an increased interest in Kundalini and there has been a lot of talk about awakening Kundalini. More and more yoga centers offer Kundalini Yoga – which basically means they offer excercises to awaken Kundalini. Now, I have to admit that most of us Westerners (and maybe not only Westeners) have a misconception of Kundalini that can be rather confusing … and dangerous.

Kundalini is not just a concept we “play” around with, an energy we can try to “awaken” or a “power” to harness. Kundalini is the raw power of the Goddess – handled without the proper respect, conscious understanding and reverence She deserves, She can act in a destructive way in our life and in turn can increasing our own ignorance. It is not Her fault. It is us who lack the wisdom to work with Her appropriately. Some Tantric practitioners see Her as the Goddess Herself and worship Her accordingly.

I held a lot of wrong beliefs about Kundalini myself and I find that She is rather complex and I am ever so grateful to have a guide by my side who knows Her intimately.

Now … that brings us straight to – Loki.

The fiery, intense Norse Trickster God “invaded” my life rather ruthlessly – His presence being so overwhelming at times that I thought I might actually go insane. And while He was at it, Loki would bring to Light all the things I had so carefully suppressed over the years – all my neglected or unwanted needs, emotions, desires … basically everything that I did not want to face or feared, and it all drowned me with the force of an ocean wave. Thanks to the Trickster, my life had collapsed in chaos.

That was what it seemed like. It seemed that Loki had stirred up these things, that He had awoken a force so powerfully that I feared to be destroyed in the wake of it. Intuitively, I knew what this force was. It was Kundalini-Shakti. And while I feared Her.

While I accused Loki for having roused Her, I am aware now that it was not His doing. Kundalini had “naturally” awoken and it was She who had drawn Loki’s presence into my life. The Trickster was not here to cause chaos, but to bring balance. He was here to help me work with Her. To soothe Her powerful force, so it would not crush me. Like Shiva, Loki is a Kundalini-God, and therefore the wielder of this incredible energy – because She is His power, and He is Her stability.

She (Shakti) appears in the form of dark, unpredictable drives, aggressions, and passions that enmesh the frail human soul like a boa constrictor its prey. There is no running or hiding to escape her.
For this reason, her devotees try to unite her with Lord Shiva, that she might become peaceful and friendly.”
~Wolf-Dieter Storl, Shiva the Wild God of Power and Ecstasy

Loki and Shiva are one with their power. They have reverence and respect for Her, and that is what they attempt to teach me. In the beginning I would be utterly astonished by the reverence Loki showed towards me. (Back then, me, thinking to be unworthy of His respect.) While now I understand that Loki sees beyond my small ego-traps, He sees the beauty and power of my True Self. When He revers me, He revers Shakti within me. Loki does not fear Her, He loves Her. So I try and do the same.

When active, Kundalini-Shakti travels through our subtle energy system and clears out all blockages, so that She is free to rise up and unite with our Highest Part. She is a powerful force. She is the force of radical freedom that clears all old patterns from our system, relentlessy. She is also the inner wisdom that guides us, if we learn to work with Her. 

As Maya-Shakti is the power of concealment, that allows our Selves to forget who we truly are, so Kundalini-Shakti is the power of revealment – the force that clears the road for us to remember our True Self.

Which is the true aim of Yoga.

Journey to the Goddess

I apologise beforehand that this is a rather lengthy article …

You see Her as black because you are far away from Her. Go near and you will find Her devoid of all color. The water of a lake appears black from a distance. Go near and take the water in your hand, and you will see that it has no color at all. … The nearer you come to God, the more you will realize that He has neither name nor form. ~Sri Ramakrishna

The Goddess of pure power is called Shakti in Hinduism, She is the universal life force that flows through all of creation. A dynamic force that is at once terrifying, destructive, creative, life-giving and life-saving. This force manifests as the Kundalini, the Mother Power, and it is Shakti’s consort, Shiva, who knows and wields this power. Adi Shakti is the energy that is at the very core of our being. She is beautiful and ugly, tender and fierce, powerful and compassionate. 

Since the dawn of earth-time the Mother as the Shakti has walked the soil along with her Divine Compeers, the Avatars. Alas, our ignorance paid no heed to her supernal Love and Grace. To the Avatars alone we built our altars. Their Shaktis remained almost concealed, and at times even ignored by humanity. Unnoticed, as it were, they appeared on the scene and unnoticed they dissapeared.
~Sri Chinmoy

It was eye-opening for me to read this because I had never really thought about it – the fact that all great Avatars (spiritual teachers who were known as direct representatives of God – like Buddha, Krishna or Christ) had revered the feminine aspect of God, Adi Shakti. Realised masters of recent times were Sri Ramakrishna, Sri Aurobindo and the contemporary Master Sri Chinmoy. These masters revered the Mother Goddess in the form of Kali – the dark Mother of Creation and Goddess of Transformation, who is fearsome in Her depicitions, but also embodies boundless Compassion. Because She is everything – Darkness as well as Light. She is the Absolute Consciousness.

Shakti is not only power, She is also the one who can grant us illumination and it is Her Force that eventually transforms our human nature into something higher and deeper.

I am fortunate that She has touched my life in multiple ways and take the liberty to share some of my first experiences with Her.

Nothing can stay hidden in darkness forever, especially if we wish to illumine it. My teacher once said that everything that needs illumination eventually comes to the fore to be transformed, but I never imagined it would be with the help of a Norse Trickster God. 

In the first months of our friendship, Loki, being the “God-who-knows-exactly-what-you-want-need-and-fear”, very skillfully brought exactly all of that to my attention. Since my biggest issue was probably my sexual-energy being suppressed and denied, I soon found myself waking up to a warm embrace in the middle of the night with thoughts and feelings surfacing that I would have rather not faced – Loki’s gentle advances brought up so many issues I could not even start counting them. When I found my spiritual teacher, I chose to focus on a life of celibacy which had worked well for the past 15 years by using meditation to purify my system, but mainly – to be frank – by leading a very busy life and distracting myself from all my subconscious needs. Yes, this had worked well until a Norse deity decided to stir up all my so nicely suppressed needs and desires, which were coupled with truckloads of guilt, shame and self-doubt. The infuriating thing was that Loki remained completely unfazed by the emotional turmoil He initiated inside me. I remember thinking, “Maybe You really are the devil after all! I can definitely see why people would believe it.” My thoughts elicited a soft chuckle from His side.

Loki brought up my most terrifying needs and greatest fears. Mostly my need to be loved, as well as my fear of it – which had led me to label my sexual-energy as “evil” and suppress it. The Norse Trickster had gently but persistently demanded His way into my heart, and even though part of me knew that I could trust Him whole-heartedly, it scared me. Spiritually I longed to be a warrior, independent and strong, yet as a simple human being I found myself yearning for someone to lean on, someone who gave me security, who would shelter, protect and love me. 

What I did not realise back then was that the energy I tried to deny and suppress was the very energy that gave me life, because our sexual energy, our creative force is also our life-energy. What I did realise back then was that Loki had brought a very powerful presence into my life for the simple reason that He got me in back touch with the “magic” of my feminine side. The energy of the Divine Feminine if you want to call it that. The powerful force that once unleashed is unstoppable as it spreads through our consciousness, cleansing us of shame, guilt and old limiting beliefs thus allowing us to “flow” through life as a child of the Divine. I felt Her presence as what I can only describe as an ancient, deep and incredibly powerful entity that I wished to connect with, so I asked Loki to bring me closer to Her. What followed was an inner journey through shame, guilt, violence, death and ceaseless love and compassion. In the space of a few weeks Loki guided me to connect with the Dark Goddess He Himself revered and loved so much, and He let me see that this Goddess resides within each female human being – asleep in some, while wide awake in others.

My journey happened mostly in form of writing – Loki only knows why He chose writing to relay things to me! I used to think that visions only came to those who prayed or went into trance – for me it was, well, writing. As soon as I sat down, a different world would open up in front of me and all I had to do was commit to paper what I saw, felt and experienced. Much of it I did not understand at the time, nor did I realise the significance of my experiences and the blessings they brought.

In her deep and great love for her children she has put on the cloak of obscurity, condescended to bear the attacks and torturing influences of the Falsehood, … taken upon her the pangs and sorrows and sufferings of the creation, since it seemed that thus alone could it be lifted to the Light and Joy and Truth and eternal Life. … This is the great sacrifice called sometimes the sacrifice of Purusha, but much more deeply is the holocaust of the Prakriti, the sacrifice of the Divine Mother.”

~Sri Chinmoy (The Mother of the Golden All)

Loki inspired me to write a story – or rather I just wrote down what He showed me. The female character in the story is the Goddess, the Divine Feminine Consciousness, who has incarnated as a human being – a sacrifice She had to take in order to save Her creation. The downside of incarnating as a woman is that She cannot remember Her true identity and is subjected to ignorance just like any other human being. She endures adversities, pain, humiliation, violence and even torture throughout her life, until she meets Loki who helps her remember who she really is – the beautiful, life-giving, powerful, dark primordial Goddess – while She brings balance and healing to Him.

Only now, more than a year later, as I am writing this, am I starting to grasp how symbolic this story really is. On a bigger scale, it is the story of the deep, pure love between Loki and the Goddess or Shiva and Shakti. On a smaller (my world) scale, I realise that I have been allowed to see many faces of the Goddess (including her fierce aspects) to remember and integrate them into myself so that I can find balance. The Goddess revealed Herself to me as innocent like a child, sweet like a lover, fierce like a warrior, wise and compassionate like a mother, but also torn and broken like a human being.

When I found the paragraph above written by the spiritual master Sri Chinmoy, which talks about the sacrifice of the Goddess who suffers in creation in order to save it (thus alone could it be lifted to the Light and Joy and Truth and eternal Life), it brought me to tears because from my experience with Her I knew it to be so very true.

The name that I had intuitively chosen for the female character of the story was “Ella”, which as I found out “is of Old German origin (surprise!) and means “other, foreign”. It can also derive from the German name Alja meaning “entire”. In Hebrew Ella simply means “Goddess”.

In the story Ella encounters different teachers in different places including the mythological realms of Vanaheim, Jotunheim and Helheim. For those of you who do not know much about the Nine Realms of Norse mythology, I will give a short description of each realm visited. Because I had no idea about any of these worlds at the time Loki brought me there, I wrote down my own perception of them, adding small details later, after I had done a little research on the Nine Realms. Nevertheless, I found the descriptions of the realms astoundingly similar to what I had seen so I will include excerpts of “Ella’s story” in the following text.

Some of the places Loki took me to were wonderful, while others were dark and sometimes a bit terrifying. Each one of them revealed a particular aspect of the Goddess and with Loki’s guidance I got in touch with parts of my nature that I had forgotten – the fierce power and awesome beauty that slumbers within all females on this planet and which complements our sweetness, softness and compassion. Since I shared Ella’s experiences quite vividly I would like to introduce you to some of her (and my) teachers and the beginning of my friendship with the Goddess.

Vanaheim (Realm of the Vanir, Deities of Fertility)

They arrived on a lush meadow stretching out over gentle hills under a deep blue sky. Vanaheim was a realm of magic and agriculture, pulsing with life energy. Ella took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet and pleasantly humid air that felt so different to Earth and Asgard. What she noticed first in the new environment was the vibrance of colours – the green of the land, the blue of the sky, the flowers – everything seemed fertile and full of life. It was late spring and wildflowers dotted the pastures that stretched over the soft hills with patches of woodland nestled in between.

Shedding the shame of being female

Vanaheim is a peaceful and extremely beautiful place. Nature is abundant there and full of pulsating life-force (some may call it sexual energy) which is very tangible in this realm – you can literally pick it up in the very air you breathe. It is here that I encountered the Goddess first in the formless form of the Universal Mother – as an immensely loving and compassionate presence who, while holding me in Her embrace, took away a lot of pain I carried and She started me off on my healing journey to make peace with my own feminine energy. 

Being fertility deities, the Vanic Gods and Goddesses have a very strong connection to the Mother Goddess, so it is no surprise to me that my journey started there. Coming to Vanaheim felt like returning home. The teacher I encountered there was Anait, a fearless, slightly intimidating and strikingly beautiful Goddess who taught me about what she called female magic. She let me see that even though the power of the Goddess slumbers inside every female on earth we were “programmed” to fear it. To fear our own power. Anait asked me to give up this fear and doing so tread loose an avalanche of information that started to flood me on inner and outer levels making me question and discard many of the old beliefs I held so far.

I “received” names and words which I would research outwardly by reading books and articles, before sitting down to meditate on them. I discovered the worlds of the Toltec shamans, Shaktism and ancient Sumerian Goddesses. In my research I “accidently” came across the ancient Canaaite warrior Goddess Anat (also called Anait!) and learned some pretty interesting facts about original meanings of words like “virgin” which means effectively “a woman who claims ownership of herself” or “independent woman”, while the word “harlot” derives originally from a word for a priestess of the Goddess, denominating a sexually independent woman of high status, who offered her body in the holy act of a sacred marriage. Needless to say, I abandoned a lot of old beliefs I held while spending time with Anait and shed much of the “shame” of being female. It was Anait who made me aware that sexual energy is sacred and that the way we squander it in our society nowadays is an insult to this unique and holy energy that essentially is the Goddess and should be revered accordingly.

“In ancient times women were regarded as the mediators between the Goddess and her children (humanity) and they were thought to be able to access the power of the Goddess more easily than men, because they could more easily identify with Her. Later, when the masculine force became imbalanced by the male desire for power and control, men relegated women to a lower class, caused in part by their fear of women’s “magic” — particularly the ability to give birth and their intuitive gifts. Violence against women increased as men who felt powerless resorted to rape.

Nowadays many men are stuck playing tough roles, because they have unlearnt how to connect to their emotions, while many women learned that submission and passivity are their tickets to survival. Domesticated females often seek power through pleasing (or manipulating) men and bind them by baring children. One of the female dramas is the need for protection and security that leads to the need to bind and possess. The male drama is being trapped in their urge to protect, procreate and their greed for power. Sexual energy is not intended as a tool for power or gratifying one’s own pleasure, nor for senseless reproduction. It is a sacred energy. It brings us in touch with our feelings and on a higher level, sexual energy or Kundalini, is a quest for wholeness – the unity of the male and female inside of ourselves.

Only few women and men use this energy with reverence and responsibility in your world. And not all women are meant to be mothers. The sacred females of the past, daughters of the Great Goddess, acted as priestesses, sorceresses, prophets, wise women, and healers before they were pursued, degraded and often killed.” ~Anait

Anait also offered me the gift of equality by healing the broken feminine part within me that had been abused and corrupted (by men) and was therefore unable to trust the masculine energy. Up until then my feminine side had been feeling exceedingly weak and powerless … and I could very much relate to those female “dramas”. Being equal is not about being treated the same way or acting the way men do, neither is it about pushing one’s opinion or being tough. Equality is all about self-respect and self-love, something Loki has been ardently teaching me. Anait conveyed all that to me through the beautiful story of Ninlin and Enlil.

The story of Ninlin and Enlil

“It is said that the young God Enlil set eyes on the maiden Ninlil, and burnt with desire for her. And Ninlil liked to be courted by Enlil, the proudest of all gods, but she did not know how to value herself. Both of them were inexperienced and Enlil, being impetuous, forced himself upon her and planted his seed in her womb against her will. Ninlil, hurt beyond measure by the violence she had been subjected to, took Enlil to trial in front of the assembled Great Gods to demanded his punishment. Enlil was condemned to descend into the lower realms, but Ninlil who was bound to him by her love, descended after him to bring him back. They meet three times. Each time Enlil, who had not approached her as a tender lover, begs for her affection and learns to control himself and court her respectfully. While Ninlil, as his hardest judge, learns to see the healed man beyond the conceited young God. Love and responsibilty go hand in hand – even though Ninlil’s dream of her tender lover had been destroyed, through her descent she takes responsibility for her own incapability to value herself. On their journey through the lower realms, they learn to value and accept not only each other, but themselves and thus both rise to a new form of lovers. They will stand the hardest trials to be together as equals in the end.”

Anait also asked me to “clear” my energy residues of past romantic relationships and referred to a technique I already knew as “recapitulation” (a Toltec shaman technique). Through physical relationships we entangle our own energies with those of the other person, in this way we can be bound to each other even after the relationship has ended. Recapitulation is a good way to clear these entanglements.

The Goddess Anait is a priestess, a shaman, a sorceress, and overall an independent and incredibly strong woman. Even though She chose to appear to me in the form of Anait or Anat, an ancient Goddess of Fertility and War, I really believe Her to be the Vanir Goddess Freya who is the Norse Goddess of Beauty, Fertility and War, and leader of the Valkyries.

Jotunheim (Realm of Giants)

The air was cool and full of life. Invigorating. Gigantic trees with trunks the size of small houses reached their branches skywards, the lush foliage forming a dense canopy of leaves high above her head. She looked around and noticed a gap between the trees, where the rock extended out like a platform. Her feet had taken her towards it before she had time to think and as Ella stepped out between the shelter of the trees, her mouth dropped open in awe of the view that lay before her. The flat rock surface she stood on protruded out over a large valley. High up, wisps of clouds gathered around snow capped mountain peaks that towered above a lush green forest, a wild river meandering its way through the valley underneath. Everything here was gigantic. Gigantic, wild and powerful.

Claiming back power

Jotunheim is magnificent and powerful. Nature here is very different to Vanaheim – it is raw, wild and awe inspiring (a bit like Loki). The teacher I met here is a fearless and fierce warrior, a shaman, an independent woman, a loving mother and a strong leader and she is feared by many. Angrboda is the “Chiefess of the Nine Clans”, the tribes that live in a place called the Iron Wood. She is also the Leader and Mother of the Clan of the Wolves. While She is independent and somewhat wild, Angrboda is also a mother who loves Her children like only a mother could – unconditional – no matter how ugly, terrifying or beautiful they are and she would defend them with her life without hesitation. To me She represents the raw, primordial and fierce aspect of female energy that is deeply engrained in human beings and reveals itself as our instincts. Angrboda can help us accept and control this energy.

While the Wolf-Warrior-Goddess is sometimes dismissed as “Loki’s wife in Jotunheim”, I would probably describe Loki as Her consort, because She seems to wear the pants in their relationship (sorry, Loki). Well, I know this is not quite true either, because from what I gathered, Angrboda essentially is the wild primordial energy that Loki wields and works with. One cannot compare it to any human relationship because they are more intrinsically connected with each other than we could ever understand. Loki sent me to Angrboda to learn detachment, independence … and also to lighten Angrboda’s grief – or rather, Her heart.

The girl looked up, facing a tall, muscular woman clad in wolfskin. Her red hair was partly braided and fell down to her hips, she had a harsh, yet beautiful face and carried a half-moon shaped knife. The Goddess’ hard grey eyes pierced Ella as she rose gracefully to her feet and gave a deep bow, somewhat awestruck by this warrior Goddess who without doubt deserved her respect and reverence. The sorceress was frightening and at the same time, Ella felt strengthened and protected by her presence.

“I am Angrboda, chieftess of the nine clans of the Iron Woods. I have awaited your arrival. You come to be free from the bondage of attachment and tread the path of the warrior. What is it you will offer me in return?” Ella was taken aback. This kind of welcome was not quite what she had expected, but she recognised a teacher when she stood in front of one and the voice inside her heart knew that she had come to learn exactly what Angrboda offered. “For as long as I am here, I shall serve your people,” Ella said, “I can use bow and arrow, yield a knife and shall offer my service in hunting and defending the clan.” “Will you defend it with your life?” “With my life and my blood.” Ella heard herself say as she slipped the knife from her belt and sliced her hand, made a fist and squeezed it so that her blood dripped on the dusty soil. Angroboda seemed satisfied and nodded. The chieftess was about to turn away when Ella asked, “Will you allow me to leave when my task here is done?” Grey eyes narrowed and glared at her before the grim Goddess nodded again. Then she turned and disappeared between the huts. Fanrea, the young girl who had escorted Ella, gave her a comforting smile. “You did well”, she said, “You have her respect.”

Angrobda looks straight into your being and if She finds sincerity and courage within you, She will embrace you as Her own. Angrboda is deadly and fearsome, but she also has a motherly and somewhat “growly” affectionate side as I call it. I learnt to love Her with all my heart. 

The Warrior-Goddess conveyed to me the importance of independence and interdependence – wolves are fiercely independent individuals, while at the same time they value family and are excellent team-players. She taught me fearlessness when it comes to facing our own power and that all female creatures carry a “blade” within them, which is the power to defend themselves or their children – which can be ruthless and deadly.

Angrboda, like Loki, is one who leads us to see beyond moral concepts and human attachments. While Anait revealed to me that sexual energy is sacred, Angrboda warned me of the danger and pitfalls when it is misused.

“The desire of the flesh can bind you. Its power can consume you if you let it run loose, because it is aggressive by nature, making you greedily wish for more to satisfy your desires. But you will never find satisfaction. Greed of it will destroy you, as it is an abuse of your magic. You need to go beyond the flesh and severe the ties that bind you.” ~Angrboda

I respect and love Her deeply.

Helheim (Realm of the Dead)

A dusky sky stretched out over the apple trees she lay under. The silent breeze tore some leaves off the branches. An apple soundlessly dropped into the grass next to her. Autumn. She had forgotten it was autumn. Forgotten. Slowly the girl sat up and the first thing she noticed was that there was no sound. It was silent. It was peaceful. The meadow she had rested on stretched over a soft hill down to a river, but even though she saw the water flowing, there was no happy murmuring. And even though a breeze was gently blowing, everything was completely still.

Selfless Love and Detachment

The last realm I visited was Helheim, the realm of the dead. Beautiful in its own way, silent and tranquil, yet in some places also full of suffering. My teacher there was the Keeper of Helheim, a gracious and merciful woman – Loki’s daughter, the Goddess Hel.

Hel taught me about love. She made me see that we are creations of Eternity and all suffering is self-created and of our own choice – whether this choice is conscious or not. Detached, selfless love, and devotion to selfless action can alleviate our suffering and free us eventually. If we love without attachment, we love divinely. Divine love comes directly from the Goddess and has to flow through us freely in order to be offered properly. Love is the essence of everything. It should never be possessed, because as soon as we try to hold onto it we loose it. Love with attachment is an illusion. We need to realise that it is not ours to give and that we are merely instruments who pass it on so that it can spread. If we love with this awareness, then Love has the potential to bring life (light) into dead matter. Love can illumine and change the world.

Hel taught me about detachment, devoted service and that by acting without egotistical desire and surrendering all acts to God/Goddess we open ourself to the flow of Divine Grace.

All these were not new concepts to me, but it seemed that I finally started to internalise them.

Khaalida’s (Ella)  eyes went wide at the sight of countless bodies writhing in agony, snakes wriggling between them, oozing poison from their sleek bodies that burnt their victims skins. Something in Khaalida’s chest contracted in pain, before it expanded with indescribable compassion.

“They are here on their own accord?” she asked and the pale lady next to her nodded.

“The doors are always open. Nobody is condemned to stay. Know that you cannot help them, as they choose to stay in their suffering.”

A vast, never-ending field of corpses stretched out in front of her. Vultures circled above it, swooping down to land on the corpses and peck at their insides. They would squirm in agony, some of them were screaming. Khaalida was terrified by the noise and despondency.

“You can help me if you go and drive away the vultures.”

Khaalida’s gaze swept over the endless field of bodies. Her heart sank, but then she remembered the love the lady had for them and she nodded, wordlessly marching out onto the field, terrified by screams of pain all around her. She scared away the vultures by waving her arms and yelling at them. They scratched her with their sharp claws and pecked at her eyes. Khaalida ripped a piece of fabric from her dress and blindfolded her eyes to protect them. She learned to listen and feel while she walked around the corpses, cautious not to step on them. She could hear the wings of the giant birds soaring and sensed them when they approached, and she knew by the blood curdling screams where they had landed. Living in eternal darkness without sight, Khaalida lost track of her existence. She kept fulfilling her task, her arms bloody and in pain from fending off the vultures with their sharp beaks, and over time the girl started to be lost in the despondency of the endless suffering of the dead around her. She felt lonely and utterly forgotten. Her lady had given her a task that she did not have the strength to fulfil, one that she could not bear to do anymore. As the screams around her grew louder, she pressed her hands on her ears and sank onto her knees, tears dripping down her face. Why was there so much suffering? Would it never end? They were all free to leave. Why were they all so consumed in their own suffering? She could not do this anymore. The girl sank on the ground between the dead and wept until she was completely empty. That was when She surrendered herself to the Lady Hel.

“I am willing to do it. Please, I cannot do this myself. I need you,” she whispered and felt a breeze brushing over her skin.

Slowly she scrambled to her feet and pulled off the blindfold. There on the field of corpses stood the fair lady of the dead, gazing at her silently. Khaalida stumbled towards her. The lady reached out a hand and touched the girl’s cheek, her eyes empty, as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Khaalida’s lips. Hel’s lips were cold, the kiss eternal and empty of everything. It felt like floating into a void, loosing – everything. Letting go of anything that ever seemed of importance. When their lips parted, Khaalida felt stronger. Hel beheld her. The girls clothes had long withered, and she stood naked, her body smeared with blood and dust of the field of the dead. The only thing she carried was a golden flower around her neck. Hel touched it lightly and then the lady of the dead embraced her.

Even though most of my experience in Helheim was with the Goddess Hel, it was here that I experienced Loki in a different form – He was the dead matter brought to life by the loving touch of the Goddess and He was the Goddess’ consort, embracing Her on a field of corpses, surrounded by shrieking vultures. He was Her consort beyond Time and Space, even beyond creation. I later discovered this to be a form of the Hindu God Shiva who, in this particular aspect, is known by the name “Mahakala”, the Lord of Time, who is the consort of Mahakali.

My visit to Helheim may have been the most unusual of all experiences, because even as I was writing it down, I felt strangely detached from myself as if I had forgotten who I was. As surreal and dark as it was, I was never afraid. And all I have for Hel is love and reverence. Whoever comes to Her realm will find Her beyond judgement and all-accepting. I call Her “the compassionate mother of souls”.

Encountering these aspects of the Goddess was important for me so that I could shed the fear of my own feminine energy – my sexual energy, creative-energy, life-energy, Kundalini or whatever you may call Her. I dearly love these Goddesses that agreed to teach me and carry a deep respect for all of them. I am aware that they really are part of me, and that I can trust them and call upon them should I ever need to.

It took several months to absorb these experiences, even more to realise their value and also, that ever since Loki had entered my life, so had undeniably the Goddess. She has revealed many of her forms to me since then and I am deeply grateful for Her Grace.

Loki and the Dark Goddess

The Great Mother Goddess is the dark primordial womb that brought forth all creation.

Loki is intimately connected to the Divine Feminine. He is the keeper and wielder of sexual energy or Kundalini – the creative force of the universe – and embodies compassion and love like only a mother could. Another aspect that connects Him closely to the Hindu God Shiva.

I believe Loki to be a God of Fire and terrifying natural forces like Storms, yet I would often see and feel water when meditating on Him. The Divine Feminine is represented by water, lakes and rivers and her guardians are serpents (in Indian culture these serpent beings are called Nagas, in Maori culture the spirits associated with water are giant serpents called Taniwha). Loki is part of the Goddess as  much as She is part of Him and, like Rudra is said to bless the land with rain, or the sacred river Ganga springs from Lord Shiva’s head, Loki has a deep connection with water because it represents the divine feminine, the Great Goddess.

The Goddess of pure power is called Shakti, the universal life force that flows through all of creation. She is a dynamic force that is at once terrifying, destructive, creative, life-giving and life-saving. She is the Kundalini, the Mother Power and Shiva/Loki is the wielder of this power. Kundalini is sexual energy, very potent life-energy and in many cultures this force is also referred to as Serpent power. Loki is a Master of the Kundalini, one who can direct it so that its fire does not destroy us. He can help us to grow a tree within us to ground ourselves into earth as well as heaven, and let the fire nourish and illumine the tree so that the snake can travel. Thus it is Loki who is able to free us from our primitive urges and transform them into something higher.

The love between the Dark Goddess and Loki is deep, because they really are part of each other and I feel that Loki has suffered greatly from the imbalance of energies on earth. For a long time the masculine energy has dominated humanity, now, at the beginning of a new cycle, the sacred feminine is returning and with it comes creativity, arts, oneness, love and compassion. Loki will be able to reunite fully with His beloved Goddess, the Goddess who is the Mother of all creation.

The Divine Feminine embraces both Light and Darkness. And in a time where a wrathful bachelor God rules the Western World, it is not surprising that Loki is finding  many supporters and devotees, because in a way He represents the Divine Feminine more than any other God (in the Western world). Maybe that is why Loki has been slandered by Christianity? Like the treacherous serpent that persuades Eve to taste the forbidden fruit? Hmm. Loki awakens our own power and teaches us compassion (both aspects of the Goddess) towards ourselves and others. He has a loving, tender-hearted nature, as well as a fierce and fiery one. The Great Mother Goddess, Adi Shakti, represents the fiercest force in the universe – in many stories of Hindu mythology it is the force of Shakti that time and again rescues the Gods by slaying the demons who threaten them. Add Shakti is the energy that is the very essence of our being. It is the dark and light, the beautiful and the ugly, the tender and the fierce, the powerful and the compassionate. In western religious culture the ideal woman is seen as pure, virtuous, sweet, beautiful (and weak) – while the Truth is that the Feminine Force in this universe is much more complex. Softness, sweetness, mildness, compassion are all desirable feminine qualities, when they are realised as something powerful and beautiful instead of something weak that fosters our (female) need for protection. We (females) need to remember that we bear abundant power within us and have no need to manipulate men, nor possess anyone or be possessed by them. We need to find ways to claim back our power. Loki definitely comes to aid here.

In ancient times women were thought to be able to access the power of the Goddess more easily than men because they could more easily identify with Her. Long ago women were regarded as the mediators between the Goddess and her children. Later, when the masculine force became imbalanced by the male desire for power and control, men relegated women to a lower class, caused in part by their fear of women’s “magic” — particularly the ability to give birth, the blood, and intuitive gifts. Violence against women increased as men who felt powerless resorted to rape. Nowadays many men are stuck playing tough roles and many women learned that submission and passivity are their tickets to survival. Domesticated females often seek power through pleasing (manipulating) men and baring children. One of the female dramas is the need to be needed paired with the need to be protected. While the male urge is to protect and procreate. Sexual energy is not intended as a tool for power, pleasure or simply reproduction. It is a sacred energy. On a higher level, sexual energy or Kundalini is a quest for wholeness – unity of the male and female inside of ourselves.

Not all women were (and are) meant to be mothers. The sacred females (or sacred virgins) of the past, daughters of the Great Goddess, acted as priestesses, sorceresses, prophets, and healers before they were pursued and often killed. Interestingly enough the original meaning of the word “virgin” is essentially “a woman who claims ownership of herself”, while harlots (or whores) were priestesses of the Goddess who offered their bodies in the holy act of a sacred marriage. Tantric traditions today are revering the Kundalini’s sacredness and the union of the the Divine female and male (Shakti and Shiva).

The masculine and feminine aspect of creation need to be in balance and as long as one of them is overpowering, they both suffer. Neither of them is inferior or superior.

Loki came to me as a teacher and a healer, and while I thought He came to heal the feminine side of my nature, I now understand that He also heals the unbalanced masculine. He embodies both aspects. In my experience of Him, He can be extremely compassionate and loving, even indulging in his affections for me like a parent, yet at times He also plays out a dominant and possessive side. Whatever needs healing inside me, Loki represents. He is duality and union at once. Sometimes I feel Him not even as a separate entity but as part of me, clearly looking at aspects of myself that need attention. The more I learn to trust Him and love Him, the deeper the healing goes.

I believe that Loki heals trauma and thus he helps the feminine and masculine energy of this planet to heal. So maybe this is the reason why there is such a large amount of Loki’s “spouses” out there in the blogger-world? In my experience Loki meets us on the level we are on – and he has a tendency to stir up all those beliefs we hold, that have to do with shame and guilt, dark, forbidden desires  – which, I guess, has brought Him a bit of a “bad boy” reputation. Everything that gets suppressed in our longing to be “good”, every belief of “unworthiness” and anything we cannot accept as our own, Loki finds and brings to the surface. He also satisfies our need to feel loved and sheltered – and He can actually fulfil all these needs. In my opinion, Loki is out there, wreaking havoc in the blogger world (yes, I am including my humble self here) – yet I do agree with Lokeans (and I do not claim to be one, even though Loki has touched my life in a most profound way) that simply fantasising about this God does not make one a Lokean.

And then … it is Loki we are talking about. Unbound. Free. And beyond mental or moral concepts.